Part 6: South Park Elementary

Hello everyone. Today we're going to tackle the first proper dungeon of the game. Are you excited? I know I am. Let's hop to it!



The control pad is a pretty handy tool. Each direction corresponds to a different menu shortcut.



Here we can see Princess Kenny's profile page. We'll use her the majority of this upcoming dungeon, so that'll be plenty of time to cover what she can do.

But first, I believe last time I made vague promises about showing you how farts can clear barriers.





It's obvious the game intends you to open this treasure chest right at this point in time. It's right on your way over to the school and contains valuable mana restoratives. In this game, snack foods restore health, energy drinks restore PP, and mana is restored by... well, a large variety of foods. Pictured here are buffalo wings. You can also drink apple juice, eat cauliflower, burritos, or a whole glazed ham. Basically all the gassy foods.

You don't want to eat too many mana restoratives, however. I'll show off why in a different update.



So, let's see what Kenny can do. Her basic attack is to shoot with her bow.



A simple enough action command.



And pretty decent damage!



Royal Kiss both deals damage and applies the gross out debuff.



The timing is a bit finicky on this.



As such. Kenny got grossed out from the kiss. Though on the upside, we made the elf puke.



: You need my help, you give me call. I'll be all over your enemies like smog on Shanghai.

While it's a tempting offer, we'll be just fine without his help. These upcoming fights aren't very hard still.

Well then, shall we go to school?







Shit. Looks like Mr. Mackey is in charge of the detention.

: Craig... Craig this is DETENTION, mkay, stop looking at your watch because you are here for THREE HOURS, buddy! Mkay!



: Whatever.
: Don't think your friends are gonna come bust you out this time, Craig!
: My name is Feldspar and I'm a level six thief and the humans will soon rescue me from this tower.
: No, your name is fuckin' CRAIG TUCKER and you're in DETENTION! Now start doing your homework! Mkay I've got all the doors SEALED and I've got hallway monitors working overtime - nobody is gonna save your ass today, Craig, mkay?!

Elves sneak up on us after we look in the window, so here's Kenny's next ability.













I knew I should have taken the Rat Swarm ability. It looks so useful in practice.



Shitty Dishonored jokes aside, let's get to it.



: Excuse me, but school is OUT and no students allowed on the premises until tomorrow at 7:30 am.

: I warn you! Stay away from the doors! One step towards those doors and I will be forced to write you up!

The hall monitor also has dialogue for if you approach the doors or even talk to him.

: You are in breach of school law and must be punished.

I don't do either. I shoot his ass with the bow and then smack him with a stick.



Before I show off Kenny's Charm ability, all these hall monitors we're about to fight have idle dialogue.

: (idle) You're a bad seed!
: (idle) Make my day, kid!
: (idle) I see we are all at a stalemate.
: (idle) Let's see what you've got!
: (idle) I am just itching to use this referral slip.
: (idle) They're gonna eat you alive in detention.

So... Kenny's Charm ability... Yes I'm stalling. You'll understand just why in a minute. Anyway, the Charm ability is the kind of thing you only use once. Like ever. All it does is debuff an enemy's attack.



I'm pretty sure just by virtue of having made that gif I'm now on like sixteen different government watchlists.

Anyway, the ginger goes down pretty fast after that so let's cut to the end of the fight.



: Officer down, officer down! Send backup!



: I repeat, officer down! All hallway monitors to the right hallway!
: Oh, god dammit!



: Heeeeere they come.
: They aren't gonna GET you, Craig! You're not getting out of detention!
: I'll be out of here in ten minutes.

: Mmmrmph mmrmm mphrm mmm mrm. Mmmphmm mmmrmmm mmrphmm mm mmmrmm mmphmmm mphmmm.
: Careful, Douchebag. This dungeon holds many secrets. For centuries, these halls went unmonitored, but then the evil Overlord Mackey rose an army of gingers to protect his precious after-school detention. Now these minions lurk the halls terrorizing and suspending the innocent.

Occasionally your companions will comment on various things. If Kenny's dialogue is remotely intelligible, I'll post it. Otherwise it'll just be a bunch of "mmmphmmm"s and that's not really readable. Anyway, after that little interlude we're free to loot the place. We find a new weapon attachment!



This adds 20 gross damage on hit. So it replaces the fire effect on the beat stick.



Like so.



We can also find this trophy case on one side of the main entrance. If I had thought about it at the time, I'd have also grabbed a shot of the display on the opposite side. It'll be something I grab next time I record. I miss several obvious things in the school, so I'll double back into it to grab everything I missed.

: I forgot to mention that the school has gingers on hall monitor duty. If you get bit, you're already dead so don't come back here and infect the rest of us.

The only unlocked doors are over to the right hallway.



: (pushing over chairs as you enter) Intruder alert!
: Initiate security protocol!

: Shit, more of them! See if there is a way to take them all out at once.

: We've established a perimeter.
: Come quietly!
: Hands where I can see em.
: Throw down your weapons!
: You lawbreakers make me sick.
: You're just making it harder on yourself.
: Turn back. We've got a roadblock set up.
: Every step you take is another ten demerits.
: Hostile action will be met with force and referrals.
: Counselor Mackey has issued a warrant for your apprehension.
: You'll never escape the long arm of Counselor Mackey's justice.
: The school's locked down! You've failed.
: (if you shoot down loudspeaker) You missed!

This is why you never give 9 and 10 year olds a modicum of power. It goes straight to their heads. The ginger on the far side of the image is pushing the table over.



A lit cigarette is falling onto the stack of papers.



Oh no, a fire! We'd be remiss if we didn't put it out.



That's how you put flames out, right? By farting on them?

For what it's worth, the basement door is locked. We'll be back here much later in the game and we'll have to go that way then.





: You're not gonna get through this door. Mkay. You might as well give up because I have hidden the key somewhere and you'll never find it in my office. Aw, dammit... mkay.

Is it kind of weirding anyone else out to hear Mr. Mackey dropping blue like that? I mean, he did once sing a song about abstaining from cursing. So to hear him cursing like a sailor is kind of messing with me.



: There's another one of those soulless bastards. Take him out.
: (in front of MACKEYS OFFICE) He-he said the gold key's in his office.

: (in front of MACKEYS OFFICE) (The gold key is behind that door.)

: (if you try to open MACKEYS OFFICE) Aw, we can't get in without the silver key.
: (if you try to open MACKEYS OFFICE) (Fucking bullshit!)

This is the official introduction to killing enemies with the environment. From here on, every dungeon will have several opportunities to do so. There is never a downside, so why not?

For instance here, the game wants you to shoot down the hanging fluorescent light. I'm also not sure where else to put it, so here's a bunch of dialogue from the hall monitors.

: (initiating fight) Where's your hall pass?
: (initiating fight) Unauthorized pedestrian!
: (beginning fight) Your referral is as good as written.
: (beginning fight) I like my hallways CLEAN!
: (being hit) I'm taking fire!
: (being hit) Help!
: (fleeing) We're overrun!
: (fleeing) Standing down



Anyway, while we're here, let's try and blend in some.

: Legend says there's a sixth grader hall monitor who has a ZILLION freckles and a clipboard made of human bone. They say he has a freckle for each kid he's suspended.



As we come into this hallway, we can hear something behind the faculty lounge door.

: Search him!
: No... NO! Get away from me you freaks!
: (if you try to open door) (We'll need the brass key in order to open this door!)
: Come on, we gotta find the brass key!



: The protector of the brass key will never surrender!



Because this game is a Paper Mario-alike, that means that our companions can also do special things outside of battle. It's not as easy to tell who to use where, though. You just kinda have to use a companion and if they're not right, they'll give you a hint on who to use.



: (if you don't point at anything) Why, that'd just be silly.
: (if you try to command him) I- I can only heal, y-you need someone who can charm.
: (if you try to command him) Well I'm flattered you thought of me, but I-I wouldn't even know where to begin!
: (Your word is the command, my lord!)
: (This is a job for Kenny! Helloo! Over here big boy!)



: Oh wow! Boobies...



: Must have... must touch... boooobies...





Clocking someone in the head with a mirror has got to hurt.



We can enter the room on the left. There's nothing in it.



: Why do dungeons even have these kind of stupid rooms where there's nothing to do?

It does add some flavor to the world, but this is pretty boring as far as pointless rooms in rpgs go.



Anyway, there's some gingers over to the right. One of them has the brass key we need!



The sparkle is your clue. Also the fact that the Bull-etins board is hanging askew.





Two with one blow is pretty good!

: Hey gingers! Your hearts are as black as your noses are brown!
: You can take the brass key from my cold, dead hands!



This fight is pretty neat as far as subtle tutorials go. In the hallway we knocked out two of the gingers with a bulletin board, and in the fight the two gingers are now in a KO state. The third one, by the way, is dazed because I shot him with an arrow.



: More officers down! We're taking heavy casualties out here!



: Dammit, you hallway monitors need to stop playing around!
: He's got the brass key! He's some kind of Dragonborn!
: Now, look, this is detention time, not time to play Dungeons and Dragons! And besides, he's never gonna get inside here because to open the door, you need the gold key and the only way to get the gold key is by getting the silver key, mkay, which even if he HAS the brass key, he still hasn't made it past the boss level. Mmkay.



Well we do have the brass key now at least.



One of the gingers has a dodge ball we can pick up.



This doesn't look very good. I don't know, because I've honestly never used it. It might be a lot better than it appears, but I still prefer the Mongorian Bow for its guaranteed three hits. That's triple bleeding!



The brass key opens the faculty lounge.



This one cigarette is going to start a chain reaction that allows us to clear every fight in here without ever putting ourselves in danger.

: He's here! Guard the key!



The cigarette is shot into the fireworks box.



Fireworks fly around wildly.



One hits a ginger and takes him out instantly.

: Forget the key! Protect the front lines!

: Wow, lucky there was a box of fireworks just sitting there.



The other one comes to hide under the precarious stack of books. They "accidentally" fall on him after being shot with an arrow.



Finally a Dragonshout clears the other two gingers in the room.



Why the fuck is there a... you know what? I don't care.

Anyway, we need to swap to butters for this next part.



You can see he has a natural ability here called "Born Victim." It's a pretty neat way of making him the tanky partner.



: (Oh man, that kid needs some HELP!)
: That kid looks hurt pretty bad.

We tell Butters to use his comforting pat on this poor tortured boy.





: Thanks, I thought I was a goner! There were too many of them. They were too strong, their hair too red... Maybe you can take this silver key and find the gold key. You can succeed where I have failed! Free Mackey's prisoners!



Let's finish our going undercover. Now we look just like one of them.



What the FUCK. This is making me cringe just looking at it. Fuck. God.

WHY IS IT IN THE TEACHER'S LOUNGE?

Let's leave before my head explodes from the what-the-fuck meter maxing out.



Mackey's office is our next destination.

: I sure hope the gold key is in there or else the quest for the silver key has been all for nothing.



: Be careful, Douchebag. This is Mackey's lair. One wrong step and we could end up in detention!

The only worthwhile loot in here is the gold key.



: (The gold key! Now we can go rescue Craig!)
: The gold key... no human has ever laid hands on it before. Let's hope it holds the power to unlock the cafeteria door.



The video link below has the boss fight as well.

Video:



: That's far enough, intruder!



: Where's your hall pass?



I'm pretty sure this is the only boss title card in the game.

: No hall pass? Then it's time to write you a referral.





: Oh, yeah, that's the boss. Good luck fighting the boss, mkay. You still think this is a game, young man?



: (beginning fight) Deadly force is authorized! (two other MONITORS join him) Raaargh!
: (idle) Ten demerits!
: (idle) Stop this tomfoolery!
: (idle) Not in my hallway!
: (idle) This is going on your permanent record.
: (idle) I'll see you hang for this, New Kid.
: (idle) You young punks, always thinking you're above the law... of the hallway.
: (idle) I didn't work my way up through the bus patrol to answer to you, cur!
: (idle) Trespassing in the school's halls is tantamount to trespassing in the office of Principal Victoria herself!
: (NO HALL PASS, NO MERCY) You brought this on yourself!
: (NO HALL PASS, NO MERCY) I'm gonna scare you straight!
: (being hit) Assault!
: (being hit) Lawbreaker!
: (being hit) How dare you!
: (being hit) Counselor Mackey shall hear of this!

Presumably the NO HALL PASS, NO MERCY condition is an ability this guy shows off. This fight doesn't last long enough to see it, and in the play-through I did last week he was stunned the entire duration of the fight.



He hits reasonably hard, so you want to lock him down.



Alternatively you want to set him on fire. There's a lot to see in this image, so take your time. For instance we healed like 350 damage, he took 92 fire damage, we melted off 10 of his armor points, and our abilities now hit harder.



Red Death From Above is just one of his lackeys tossing sports balls at us. If they connect they cause bleed, so be sure to block.



: Use your power on him! Hurry!











Like the tutorial said, farting interrupts channeled spells. In this case, we interrupted his "NO HALL PASS, NO MERCY" ability. I looked it up on one of the wikis dedicated to this game, and the ability simply hits both members of your team and inflicts bleeding if not blocked. If you fail to interrupt the attack, Butters has some helpful words.

: Oh no, he cast his spell! We gotta stop him next time.

He also has another ability that I have never seen and until two minutes ago didn't know even existed. It's called "HE'S CALLING YOUR PARENTS" and it's an instant game over condition. It's also a two turn charge up, so you have no reason to ever let it cast.

: (HE'S CALLING YOUR PARENTS!) That's it! I'm notifying your parents.
: (THE PHONE'S RINGING...) It's ringing!
: (NOW YOU'RE IN FOR IT) Hello? This is the captain of the South Park hall patrol. Let me tell you what your son has been up to...
: (on your phone) That's it young man. You are grounded!
: Justice is served.

Really though, this fight is not hard at all even if you don't have all the patches and accessories I have equipped.



Douchebag also has a new ability. He got it at level 6 and it's really fun.



It hits the entire screen...



It also looks like it hurts a lot.



The fight's over when the boss dies. His minion just sits there staring at us in abject terror until the fight fades out.



This unlocks the locker directly behind us. I'll unlock it next time I record. If I remember correctly, there's a Chinpokomon in the locker.







ALL: Yay!



: DAMN YOU CRAAAAAIG!



: Thanks for busting me out, kid. Who are you? (pause) What's your name? (pause) Oh well, I'm heading to Kupa Keep. See you there I guess.

Craig adds us on Facebook.



And that marks the end of the first dungeon! Next time I'm gonna round up all of the stuff I missed and then we'll be able take the Stick back from those dirty elves.

Stay tuned.